It is officially the day of my birth. I am very excited. I took the day off work to do things that I want to do. Including a photoshoot with a studying photographer. Maybe I will post pictures...
Someone told me this year that they loved me like the sky and the cherry blossoms. This sounds all fine and good and seems really sweet until I started reflecting on the meaning of that comment the other day. The sky is constantly changing. Cherry blossoms are only around for a short period of time before they fall to the ground and die. Is this person telling me that they will love me sometimes and only for a short period of time? I'm sure, of course, that they did not mean it this way but tonight at church as I slipped in the back for the last part of the sermon, I heard about a God who loves me simply because. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more or less or even at all, He simply does.
And tonight He whispered in my ear and said that He will never love me like the cherry blossoms. He can't ever love me like humans do. Because at some point, our love is going to be conditional. At some point. And His is never going to be. Ever.
I will rest in that.
Song of the Day:
I'll Fly Away by Jars of Clay
PS. that rhymes if you say it out loud.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Books, Plays, Music
For some reason I have been having problems sleeping. I dread going to bed now because I know i'll end up lying there for hours with nothing to do and so my mind wanders to weird thoughts and strange memories. I don't like it very much. My new plan is to stay up as late as necessary so I will fall asleep naturally because I will be so tired.
I saw Proof tonight. It was decent enough. Having been produced by someone who was just last year graduating from Trinity, it was well done. It is strange seeing someone have a completely different take on a character you have played before. I see Catharine totally different than Becky does, although I wish I could have seen more from her tonight. She has the potential to do better work I think. Sound was horrible. Lighting was excellent (Lois is fantastic). I think both main characters could have worked harder for what they were fighting for. I wanted to see more. I hate leaving theatre like that. All in all an alright show. I would recommend it. It only runs the rest of the week.
I read this tonight.
I wept for a long time.
Song of the Day:
Andvari by Sigur Ros
I saw Proof tonight. It was decent enough. Having been produced by someone who was just last year graduating from Trinity, it was well done. It is strange seeing someone have a completely different take on a character you have played before. I see Catharine totally different than Becky does, although I wish I could have seen more from her tonight. She has the potential to do better work I think. Sound was horrible. Lighting was excellent (Lois is fantastic). I think both main characters could have worked harder for what they were fighting for. I wanted to see more. I hate leaving theatre like that. All in all an alright show. I would recommend it. It only runs the rest of the week.
I read this tonight.
I wept for a long time.
Song of the Day:
Andvari by Sigur Ros
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Broken Homes
I am discouraged. Very discouraged.
What the heck is the point of marriage?
On a completely unrelated note, there is a show next week from June 25-28 called Proof playing at Pacific Theatre. Two of my friends are in it. Should be good. You should go if you can. And don't worry, I am not going alone. Since my "walking alone in Vancouver at night" post I have had many offers of girls and boys that would love to keep me company they say.
They have no idea what they're volunteering for...
Song of the Day:
Jerk it Out by The Caesars
What the heck is the point of marriage?
On a completely unrelated note, there is a show next week from June 25-28 called Proof playing at Pacific Theatre. Two of my friends are in it. Should be good. You should go if you can. And don't worry, I am not going alone. Since my "walking alone in Vancouver at night" post I have had many offers of girls and boys that would love to keep me company they say.
They have no idea what they're volunteering for...
Song of the Day:
Jerk it Out by The Caesars
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Just to Clarify...
So just to clarify about my last post. Flip city wasn't the reason for my "bad day" yesterday. I got some concerned emails and no, i'm not that worried about the boys. They are big and can take care of themselves. Flip city was great. Not related to the previous comment. Yes? Good.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Ramblings mostly
There are some days in life that you wish with all your heart never happened.
But it did.
And life goes on.
In retrospect, not the biggest deal, but I still feel pretty bad.
I went to flip city tonight. For those of you who are unaware it is a place where mostly males go to see who can hurt themselves doing the craziest flip. Otherwise known as a gymnastics centre. I went last year a bit, was a bit rusty tonight. It never fails to surprise me how fearless guys are at this age. My one friend was trying to do a backflip starting with just standing on the ground and was he worried about his neck, no, no he was worried about STUBBING HIS TOE. Really? Really? Does no one worry about these things except me. I figured I worried enough tonight for every guy who came out so no one else has to. I got them all covered.
It always leaves me quite puzzled when I think about how complicated relationships get. And, as I mentioned before, not only are they harder to keep up, they end up getting more complicated too. And i'm not just talking girl/guy, i'm talking every relationship.
Why do we bother seeking after companionship when sometimes, lets face it, it just doesn't seem worth it anymore?
Thoughts?
And now a poem from my beloved friend Emily Dickinson
Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality
We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.
We passed the school where children played
At wrestling in a ring;
We passed the fields of gazing grain,
We passed the setting sun.
We paused before a house that seemed
A swelling of the ground;
The roof was scarcely visible,
The cornice but a mound.
Since then 'tis centuries; but each
Feels shorter than the day
I first surmised the horses' heads
Were toward eternity.
"fields of gazing grain"
She's brilliant eh.
"We are constant sinners; how can people like us be saved? We are all infected and impure with sin...And yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand." Isaiah 64: 5, 8
Thank goodness for "and yet".
Song of the Day:
Grow up and Blow Away by Metric
But it did.
And life goes on.
In retrospect, not the biggest deal, but I still feel pretty bad.
I went to flip city tonight. For those of you who are unaware it is a place where mostly males go to see who can hurt themselves doing the craziest flip. Otherwise known as a gymnastics centre. I went last year a bit, was a bit rusty tonight. It never fails to surprise me how fearless guys are at this age. My one friend was trying to do a backflip starting with just standing on the ground and was he worried about his neck, no, no he was worried about STUBBING HIS TOE. Really? Really? Does no one worry about these things except me. I figured I worried enough tonight for every guy who came out so no one else has to. I got them all covered.
It always leaves me quite puzzled when I think about how complicated relationships get. And, as I mentioned before, not only are they harder to keep up, they end up getting more complicated too. And i'm not just talking girl/guy, i'm talking every relationship.
Why do we bother seeking after companionship when sometimes, lets face it, it just doesn't seem worth it anymore?
Thoughts?
And now a poem from my beloved friend Emily Dickinson
Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality
We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.
We passed the school where children played
At wrestling in a ring;
We passed the fields of gazing grain,
We passed the setting sun.
We paused before a house that seemed
A swelling of the ground;
The roof was scarcely visible,
The cornice but a mound.
Since then 'tis centuries; but each
Feels shorter than the day
I first surmised the horses' heads
Were toward eternity.
"fields of gazing grain"
She's brilliant eh.
"We are constant sinners; how can people like us be saved? We are all infected and impure with sin...And yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand." Isaiah 64: 5, 8
Thank goodness for "and yet".
Song of the Day:
Grow up and Blow Away by Metric
Monday, June 16, 2008
Validation
I seem to constantly be meeting with people. Which isn't a problem, believe me, I just find it interesting. I feel like I am constantly arranging and rearranging my schedule to fit coffee here, dinner there, and maybe a short walk the day after. It seems that the older we get, the more intentional we have to be at seeking out company.
Anyways about what I was really going to talk about. I went for breakfast with a fantastic lady on Friday. I always call her my step in grandma because none of my grandparents live anywhere near me. We meet about once a month and talk. About her life mostly. Some of mine. She listens and gives me advice. She makes sure I have things like a financial plan and that I am always well taken care of. In our last meeting I told her about my will and felt calling to be single at this point in my life and she was surprisingly supportive and encouraging. I found out that she did not get married until she was 28 because she felt when she was my age and a little older that God had a higher purpose for her at thiat point in her life. I was relieved. I'm not alone. There's other people who feel the same way. She went on to talk about independance and other struggles she faced during that time.
I always end up leaving in tears because of the love that woman has for me. She prays for me. Supports me financially and emotionally. I can sit across from her, hold her older, much wiser hand in my younger naive hand and be vulnerable. She does not ask for anything in return. Obviously our relationship is a two way street but in any relationship there are expectations that the other person will love you back. She has none of that. I know she will love me if I never call her back again or if I call her every week for the rest of my life.
My heart is happy that I am cared for.
Song of the Day:
Summer in the City by Regina Spektor
Anyways about what I was really going to talk about. I went for breakfast with a fantastic lady on Friday. I always call her my step in grandma because none of my grandparents live anywhere near me. We meet about once a month and talk. About her life mostly. Some of mine. She listens and gives me advice. She makes sure I have things like a financial plan and that I am always well taken care of. In our last meeting I told her about my will and felt calling to be single at this point in my life and she was surprisingly supportive and encouraging. I found out that she did not get married until she was 28 because she felt when she was my age and a little older that God had a higher purpose for her at thiat point in her life. I was relieved. I'm not alone. There's other people who feel the same way. She went on to talk about independance and other struggles she faced during that time.
I always end up leaving in tears because of the love that woman has for me. She prays for me. Supports me financially and emotionally. I can sit across from her, hold her older, much wiser hand in my younger naive hand and be vulnerable. She does not ask for anything in return. Obviously our relationship is a two way street but in any relationship there are expectations that the other person will love you back. She has none of that. I know she will love me if I never call her back again or if I call her every week for the rest of my life.
My heart is happy that I am cared for.
Song of the Day:
Summer in the City by Regina Spektor
Friday, June 13, 2008
More blogs...
I decided to make it easy for those of you who don't like hunting for great blogs. I took the liberty to put links to them on my page. You will find them on the right hand column. All of them are artists in one way or another so together they are Artists Who Write. Check them out if you have some time. They are all brilliant people in my opinion.
More artsy talk
I went to visit my friend Jane tonight.
She told me things about blogs.
See, i'm already working them into my posts. I feel so much smarter. Clever almost.
I saw two shows tonight from Magnetic North festival. Two completely different shows I might add.
The first was So Many Doors by Sour Brides Theatre company (from the Yukon). Very good performances by all four actors. The story was about the coming together and breaking apart of two couples going through the same traumatic experience of the death of a child. The script was a little too preachy, too much telling of the story rather than showing me the story. The lighting design and set were both very well done. Those two things make a huge difference in a show and quite frankly most shows I see, i'm usually not very impressed with lighting or set. I most often see lighting designs that end up not serving the play. That's irritating. And annoying.
Anyway, second show I saw was a Studio 58 production that was fun, fluffy, and in my opinion not that well done. Again, I felt like they told me way too much and didn't show me nearly enough. Their ending didn't serve a purpose. It went from fun and dancing and comedy most of the way through until the end where it all of a sudden became serious and most of the cast ended in tears. Their set was pretty cool. It reminded me of Trinity's Pride and Prejudice this past season; they took one medium (columns) and made it work for every setting. I also felt the characters in this production were too much of themselves. It seemed like a bunch of young adults coming up with drivel. I don't want to see drivel.
I could talk for a long time about both but I won't bore you with that. I love going to theatre with someone who knows something about theatre (take for instance one of my theatre professors tonight) because the conversation after each piece is so engaging and having been in the business a long time and being the brilliant sort that she is, she can spot good theatre from a mile away. My opinion at least.
This week has been so busy I haven't even had time to catch my breath and write. I was looking back through my journal the other day and I find reading what I wrote so interesting. It's like i'm seeing myself in a different light, or from a different perspective. I will always always recommend journalling. I think it's one of those things that I need. I'm always on the lookout for those needs. They're important I tell you.
Song of the Day:
Miss American Pie by Don Maclean...I think. It came on my ipod today and I just glanced
She told me things about blogs.
See, i'm already working them into my posts. I feel so much smarter. Clever almost.
I saw two shows tonight from Magnetic North festival. Two completely different shows I might add.
The first was So Many Doors by Sour Brides Theatre company (from the Yukon). Very good performances by all four actors. The story was about the coming together and breaking apart of two couples going through the same traumatic experience of the death of a child. The script was a little too preachy, too much telling of the story rather than showing me the story. The lighting design and set were both very well done. Those two things make a huge difference in a show and quite frankly most shows I see, i'm usually not very impressed with lighting or set. I most often see lighting designs that end up not serving the play. That's irritating. And annoying.
Anyway, second show I saw was a Studio 58 production that was fun, fluffy, and in my opinion not that well done. Again, I felt like they told me way too much and didn't show me nearly enough. Their ending didn't serve a purpose. It went from fun and dancing and comedy most of the way through until the end where it all of a sudden became serious and most of the cast ended in tears. Their set was pretty cool. It reminded me of Trinity's Pride and Prejudice this past season; they took one medium (columns) and made it work for every setting. I also felt the characters in this production were too much of themselves. It seemed like a bunch of young adults coming up with drivel. I don't want to see drivel.
I could talk for a long time about both but I won't bore you with that. I love going to theatre with someone who knows something about theatre (take for instance one of my theatre professors tonight) because the conversation after each piece is so engaging and having been in the business a long time and being the brilliant sort that she is, she can spot good theatre from a mile away. My opinion at least.
This week has been so busy I haven't even had time to catch my breath and write. I was looking back through my journal the other day and I find reading what I wrote so interesting. It's like i'm seeing myself in a different light, or from a different perspective. I will always always recommend journalling. I think it's one of those things that I need. I'm always on the lookout for those needs. They're important I tell you.
Song of the Day:
Miss American Pie by Don Maclean...I think. It came on my ipod today and I just glanced
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Someone left a message on my phone yesterday saying that yes, in fact faith was certainty.
Just thought you guys might want to know her opinion.
Next time I decide to go to a late show in Vancouver alone, please will someone kindly remind me that it's not a good idea. I know my mom reads this and is most likely in a state of panic at this point, probably all mothers for that matter.
I went to a show yesterday that started at 9:30 not realizing, in the blondest moment I can remember, that by the time I get out it will be dark and my car is in a sketchy parkade quite a few blocks down. Suddenly I didn't feel all grown up anymore.
Anyway, enough about that. I am safe.
The show I went to was called April 14, 1912 and believe it or not, it was about the Titanic. I picked a fairly good seat and before long the theatre started filling up. To the left of me sat a flamboyantly gay couple (I got a "Oh my goodness, I just looove your sweater" as they shuffled by) and to the right of me sat an asian couple who were still learning english (theatre is a good place to work on your english if you're an ESL student). I felt like Vancouver was well represented.
The show was mostly movement, dance, and music. Very few words. It still baffles me how as humans we can understand movement sometimes just as well if not more clearly than words. I have to admit some of it went right over my head (one character WAS the Titanic). I felt about three quarters of the way through, my mind was wandering. The sinking scene took a good twenty to thirty minutes.
It was a good experience none the less. I don't know if I would recommend it at all. Probably not.
Song of the Day:
What I Got by Sublime
Just thought you guys might want to know her opinion.
Next time I decide to go to a late show in Vancouver alone, please will someone kindly remind me that it's not a good idea. I know my mom reads this and is most likely in a state of panic at this point, probably all mothers for that matter.
I went to a show yesterday that started at 9:30 not realizing, in the blondest moment I can remember, that by the time I get out it will be dark and my car is in a sketchy parkade quite a few blocks down. Suddenly I didn't feel all grown up anymore.
Anyway, enough about that. I am safe.
The show I went to was called April 14, 1912 and believe it or not, it was about the Titanic. I picked a fairly good seat and before long the theatre started filling up. To the left of me sat a flamboyantly gay couple (I got a "Oh my goodness, I just looove your sweater" as they shuffled by) and to the right of me sat an asian couple who were still learning english (theatre is a good place to work on your english if you're an ESL student). I felt like Vancouver was well represented.
The show was mostly movement, dance, and music. Very few words. It still baffles me how as humans we can understand movement sometimes just as well if not more clearly than words. I have to admit some of it went right over my head (one character WAS the Titanic). I felt about three quarters of the way through, my mind was wandering. The sinking scene took a good twenty to thirty minutes.
It was a good experience none the less. I don't know if I would recommend it at all. Probably not.
Song of the Day:
What I Got by Sublime
Monday, June 9, 2008
Hold Tight
So this week is the week of crazy for me so sit tight while I get my thoughts together. I looked through my journal tonight and I have so many topics that i've written about but have not discussed on here yet.
I like the idea of putting a question on here and then writing my thoughts after a discussion of sorts has been had. So here is a question that a friend asked the other night. Or something along the lines of.
How much can faith and certainty co-exist? Do they intertwine? Can they? Can you have one without the other?
Something to think about.
Song of the Day:
The Police and the Private by Metric
I like the idea of putting a question on here and then writing my thoughts after a discussion of sorts has been had. So here is a question that a friend asked the other night. Or something along the lines of.
How much can faith and certainty co-exist? Do they intertwine? Can they? Can you have one without the other?
Something to think about.
Song of the Day:
The Police and the Private by Metric
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Oh brother.
You ever notice how guys will do anything, and I mean anything, not to ask for help in a store. It's like somehow it would take away any sense of man in them to ask a simple question. My brother and I were in A&B Sound today looking for a cable. Simple, yes? Do you think we could find it? No. So I follow my brother around the store as he searches up and down the aisles not finding anything. Finally I suggest that we ask someone. Of course the answer is no. Turns out, they were out of the cable we were searching for.
We didn't find that out without asking someone.
Figures.
Song of the Day:
The One I Love by Rufus Wainwright
We didn't find that out without asking someone.
Figures.
Song of the Day:
The One I Love by Rufus Wainwright
Saturday, June 7, 2008
The perks
If you are 19 and under you can get into MagNorth festival shows for $2.
Good, because I was ready to take out another loan. Maybe a morgage. Theatre is expensive. And now I only have to spend 8 bucks instead of over 100. Sometimes the world smiles on university students. Not often, but sometimes. That made me happy today.
Good, because I was ready to take out another loan. Maybe a morgage. Theatre is expensive. And now I only have to spend 8 bucks instead of over 100. Sometimes the world smiles on university students. Not often, but sometimes. That made me happy today.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Note to Self: Budget for tissues
If you ever feel like crying buckets, I have the perfect movie for you. I just finished watching Away From Her with Gordon Pinsent and Julie Christie. Oh. my. goodness. SUCH good acting, horrible cinematography, and a heartwrenching story about the effects of Alzheimer's disease. So sad. I would only recommend this movie to those interested in good acting first because that's really all it has to offer and second, I don't want anyone who doesn't have to cry as much as I did tonight. My face is like one big red puff. VERY attractive.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
27 bad actors
I watched 27 Dresses tonight. It wasn't the worst movie i've seen. Some of the acting was preetty bad. If you can't tell the difference between good and bad acting, i'd recommend it. The message is decent at least.
Song of the day:
Portland is leaving by Rocky Votolato
Song of the day:
Portland is leaving by Rocky Votolato
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
I'd give it a 10/10
Forget that last post. I haven't figured out how to delete them yet (Jane any thoughts?).
Guess what starts today? MORE THEATRE.
http://www.magneticnorthfestival.ca/
Gordon Pinsent (Away from Her, Due South, a million other movies and tv shows) is speaking this Friday at Performance Works on Granville Island. Unfortunetly I'm working but there it is if you're interested. He will be speaking about, "...theatre and encouraging things toward the performing artist". Wish I could go.
Let me just tell you about my day for a second and see how jealous you get.
First good point: I slept in.
Second good point: I went shopping at my favourite second hand store (which by the way i'm not telling anyone where it is because I got amazing clothing for AMAZING deals. that's right, i'm hogging it)
Third good point: I'm currently sitting in my favourite coffee shop for a late lunch, writing, reading, and thinking.
Fourth good point: I just found this theatre festival and that alone would be enough to make my day.
This day could not get better if it tried.
Guess what starts today? MORE THEATRE.
http://www.magneticnorthfestival.ca/
Gordon Pinsent (Away from Her, Due South, a million other movies and tv shows) is speaking this Friday at Performance Works on Granville Island. Unfortunetly I'm working but there it is if you're interested. He will be speaking about, "...theatre and encouraging things toward the performing artist". Wish I could go.
Let me just tell you about my day for a second and see how jealous you get.
First good point: I slept in.
Second good point: I went shopping at my favourite second hand store (which by the way i'm not telling anyone where it is because I got amazing clothing for AMAZING deals. that's right, i'm hogging it)
Third good point: I'm currently sitting in my favourite coffee shop for a late lunch, writing, reading, and thinking.
Fourth good point: I just found this theatre festival and that alone would be enough to make my day.
This day could not get better if it tried.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
you're probably all sick of the single talk...
So I figured I should probably give my views so far on my "single" questions.
"Do you think chosen singleness is looked down upon in today's society? Do we have to choose between a family or a career? Is it at all possible to be fully devoted to both?"
I talked to several people this week about singleness and the questions I have been pondering for the last year. What brought these questions into my head originally was the scary saying about being "married to the theatre" because while going to school for acting, well, I heard it a lot. So it put this thought in my head, "What if I become so involved in theatre that I can't manage both family and work"? The thought of kids not having a mom there for them when they need it scares the living daylights out of me. I mean I get goosebumps, and not the good kind.
Anyway, I know that most of the answers to the questions are logical if your chosen profession is not theatre, but what if in fact it is? Because I waver back and forth between deciding if singleness is frowned upon or just not seen often enough and I know most people can balance a family and a career just fine. But I guess my real question is, "What if your career takes up your emotional energy, your physical energy, and most of your time?". What then? Keep in mind that I have realized this past week that my passions and what I want probably will change over time so what I decide right now is for right now. People change, desires happen (not necessarily change), stages of life happen. So keeping that in the back of our heads, right now I don't see where a family can fit into where i'm headed.
Also I don't see myself ever being fully devoted to both. Someone or something will have to sacrifice, and i'm beginning to realize that maybe that's ok. It's sometimes simply a matter of asking yourself these questions to realize what you would be willing to give up for either and find out where your priorities lie.
So that's where I stand. Again feel free to comment. I love hearing opinions.
Song of the Day:
Just a band in general today: Interpol (check them out, really good chillin music)
"Do you think chosen singleness is looked down upon in today's society? Do we have to choose between a family or a career? Is it at all possible to be fully devoted to both?"
I talked to several people this week about singleness and the questions I have been pondering for the last year. What brought these questions into my head originally was the scary saying about being "married to the theatre" because while going to school for acting, well, I heard it a lot. So it put this thought in my head, "What if I become so involved in theatre that I can't manage both family and work"? The thought of kids not having a mom there for them when they need it scares the living daylights out of me. I mean I get goosebumps, and not the good kind.
Anyway, I know that most of the answers to the questions are logical if your chosen profession is not theatre, but what if in fact it is? Because I waver back and forth between deciding if singleness is frowned upon or just not seen often enough and I know most people can balance a family and a career just fine. But I guess my real question is, "What if your career takes up your emotional energy, your physical energy, and most of your time?". What then? Keep in mind that I have realized this past week that my passions and what I want probably will change over time so what I decide right now is for right now. People change, desires happen (not necessarily change), stages of life happen. So keeping that in the back of our heads, right now I don't see where a family can fit into where i'm headed.
Also I don't see myself ever being fully devoted to both. Someone or something will have to sacrifice, and i'm beginning to realize that maybe that's ok. It's sometimes simply a matter of asking yourself these questions to realize what you would be willing to give up for either and find out where your priorities lie.
So that's where I stand. Again feel free to comment. I love hearing opinions.
Song of the Day:
Just a band in general today: Interpol (check them out, really good chillin music)
Hm
There are decisions to be made. Anyone volunteer to make them for me?
Song of the Day:
Le Disko by Shiny Toy Guns
Song of the Day:
Le Disko by Shiny Toy Guns
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Marriage: The High Road
I don't feel like writing today. Please feel free to comment on the posed questions though.
Do you think chosen singleness is looked down upon in today's society? Do we have to choose between a family or a career? Is it at all possible to be fully devoted to both?
Song of the Day:
To be Alone with You by Sufjan Stevens
Do you think chosen singleness is looked down upon in today's society? Do we have to choose between a family or a career? Is it at all possible to be fully devoted to both?
Song of the Day:
To be Alone with You by Sufjan Stevens
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