Perfect Fear

I was only on the fourth page or so before I got that choking feeling in my throat.
Twenty seconds later the sob came out. I hardly ever read such honest and vulnerable writing.
Grief has a way of doing that.
I'm reading a book for a new idea that is in my head. I shouldn't say new, it's been in there for awhile, but newish.
I want to be able to write like that. My heart out on the page. My craving is to be understood. My desire is to be noticed. But then I realize the amount of sacrifice that takes. There is a part of me that wants to hold and nurture it all inside. And yet there is a stronger force telling me this must come out, I need to come out. Need to.

So I will write it. There cannot be fear of failure. There cannot be fear. My love for art is becoming a perfect love that constantly casts out fear.

Not Today

I wanted to hold your hand and walk with you through foreign lands
Unsure of where this road might lead, never once thought to stop me
Weather does not determine whether or not I'll get lost in my thoughts
And tell time by the sun overhead, longing for things unsaid

Today there's still pain
I know I've got to move on but it's just not the same
And anything that I say won't make sense, not today, not today

And I'll walk through this forest alone
While the birds above sing of home
Moon, rise up fast and shed your light
Change this dark day into night
'If only' the words that keep the here from there
No longer hold their scare
Because 'if only' were to happen here
It still would not take my tears

Today there's still pain
I know I've got to move on but it's just not the same
And anything that I say won't make sense, not today
It's like pretending you're find
That you're okay but not today

I'm crying out for God, I'm crying for the things I love

Today, there's still pain
I know I've got to move on, but it's just not the same
And anything that I say won't make sense, not today
It's like pretending you're fine
That you're okay, but not today, not today

- Brendan Kwiatkowski

Babies

Bringing to your attention a new baby blog that has been born.

He was in the last show with me.
Just to let you know.

Forever Ago

Urgh I know. Haven't posted in awhile. I started school again this week, which is proving to be yet again amazing.

Usually I post pieces I have written about a month prior to posting but here's where I've been at recently.


Waiting. All I do is wait.

Falling. All I do is fall.

Doubting. All I do is doubt.

Walking. All I do is crawl.


Waiting. All I do is fall.

Falling. All I do is doubt.

Doubting. All I do is crawl.

Walking. All I do is wait.


Loving. All I see is love.


One Thing I love: pow in whistler. It's blowing my mind right now.
Song of the Day:
Rain by Bishop Allen