It's that time

Auditions.

I dread them before, I love them during, I hate them after.

I am terrified of being under-prepared, over-prepared beforehand.

I love my ability to be myself in front of people I don't know, to be open with them and make good impressions. I love the adrenaline and competitiveness that I get during an audition.

I hate knowing the results. I hate feeling guilty if I get a role, no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I deserved it, I hate seeing the disappoint in people's faces, I hate being treated differently by friends.

All of this passes in time. I am impatient, the process is different for everyone.

In case you haven't heard...

This next week in Vancouver is The Wrecking Ball.
It is a rally of sorts to create awareness of all the government funding cuts to the arts.

This Monday night at the Vogue theatre. For FREE. 8pm the fun begins.

More info here:
http://thewreckingball.ca/performances/358/the-wrecking-ball-vancouver

If the arts are important to you, you should probably be there.

Jesus

Jesus
by Page France

I will sing a song to you
And you will shake the ground for me
And the birds and bees and old fruit trees
Will spit out songs like gushing streams
And Jesus will come through the ground so dirty
With worms in his hair and a hand so sturdy
To call us his magic we call him worthy
Jesus came up through the ground so dirty
I will sing a song for to you
And you will stomp your feet for me
And the bears and bees and banana trees
Will play kazoos and tambourines
And Jesus will dance while we drink his wine
With soldiers and thieves and a sword in his side
And we will be joy and we will be right
Jesus will dance while we drink his wine
Jesus will come through the ground so dirty
With worms in his hair and a hand so sturdy
To call us his magic we call him worthy
Jesus came up through the ground so dirty
Jesus came up through the ground so dirty
Jesus came up through the ground so dirty
Jesus came up through the ground so dirty

Please listen to this song. It has got me excited from a place deep within. I think it is my soul. The bolded lines are the lines that jumped out at me when I first heard this song. What beauty. "And we will be joy and we will be right"- I am having a hard time finding joy right now. It seems to be that my magic has left me. But this song has reminded me of an experience that still brings me a bit of joy. It has been tainted, that is certain, but not lost. Because for me, Jesus has already come through the ground so dirty with worms in his hair. He picked me up, spun me around and called me His magic.
In that moment, I was Grass Grass, I was his lover, child, and delight. A moment so pure with ecstacy, I felt exploding inside myself.
And that memory, you will never take away from me.

K