That's what I called this. Here's part of a journey i've been on:
"I just want to hold you in your brokenness. Pour out your screams and cries of pain. Leave your burden in my arms. Let me take it. Let. Me. Love. You. That is not impossible. Where is your willing heart? Where is the man I once knew? You have turned to selfish boyish ways that reflect your pride and your hurt. How cowardly, how haughty of you. But I am not angry. I am not movable. I am hurt but not shaken. I know that there is hope for you yet".
This semester I have felt a theme of silence in my life. This is written to someone who, in the last 5 months has silenced me almost completely from their life. I have fought and struggled with silence for the last few months and I still cannot tell you where I stand. Is is good or bad? Right or wrong? When is good? When is bad? Is is necessary?
The answer to all these questions in my head is "I don't know". Because I don't.
When you are forced into silence it causes you to retreat inward where many things are brought forth. Because of my silencer, I have realized many things. The most important being that it does not matter what they do, I could never love them any less. I've learned how to communicate without using words and from a distance. I have learned the power of prayer and the closeness it brings to God. I have also learned the importance of sorrow. When you look at when Jesus walked here, he was filled with sorrow. Laden with it in some sense. I think that the closer we get to God, the more tears we will shed. Tears are a huge form of worship to me.
One Thing I Love: my profession
Song of the Day:
Sugar by The Archies
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