Wednesday, February 17, 2010

What brilliant words I have stumbled upon...

No Coward Soul Is Mine

No coward soul is mine
No trembler in the world's storm-troubled sphere
I see Heaven's glories shine
And Faith shines equal arming me from Fear

O God within my breast
Almighty ever-present Deity
Life, that in me hast rest
As I Undying Life, have power in Thee

Vain are the thousand creeds
That move men's hearts unutterably vain,
Worthless as withered weeds
Or idlest froth amid the boundless main

To waken doubt in one
Holding so fast by thy infinity
So surely anchored on
The steadfast rock of Immortality

With wide-embracing love
Thy spirit animates eternal years
Pervades and broods above,
Changes, sustains, dissolves, creates and rears

Though Earth and moon were gone
And suns and universes ceased to be
And thou wert left alone
Every Existence would exist in thee

There is not room for Death
Nor atom that his might could render void
Since thou art Being and Breath
And what thou art may never be destroyed

"Still, let my tyrants know, I am not doomed to wear
Year and year in gloom and desolate despair;
A messenger of Hope comes every night to me,
And offers, for short life, eternal liberty.

He comes with western winds, with evening's wandering airs,
With that clear dusk of heaven that brings the thickest stars;
Winds take a pensive tone, and stars a tender fire,
And visions rise and change that kill me with desire-

"Desire for nothing known in my maturer years
When joy grew made with awe at counting future tears;
When, if my spirit's sky was full of flashes warm,
I knew not whence they came, from sun or thunderstorm;

"But first a hush of peace, a soundless calm descends;
The struggle of distress and fierce impatience ends;
Mute music soothes my breast- unuttered harmony
That I could never dream till earth was lost to me.

"Then dawms the Invisible, the Unseen its truth reveals;
My outward sense is fone, my inward essence feels-
Its wings are almost free, its home, its harbour found;
Measuring the gulf it stoops and dares the final bound!

"Oh dreadful is the check- intense the agony
When the ear begins to hear and the eye begins to see;
When the pulse begins to throb, the brain to think again,
The soul to feel the flesh and the flesh to feel the chain!

"Yet I would lose no sting, would wish no torture less;
The more that anguish rack the earlier it will bless;
And robed in fires of Hell, or bright with heavenly shine,
If it but herald Death, the vision is divine."

She ceased to speak, and we, unanswering turned to go-
We had no further power to work the captive woe;
Her cheek, her gleaming eye, declared that man had given
A sentence unapproved, and overruled by Heaven.

Emily Bronte

It says in the notes at the bottom of the page as a footnote to the title, "According to Charlotte Bronte, these are the last lines written by her sister".

I am overcome by this piece of art.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Behold

This is from the Christmas times.

Behold the lamb of God
Behold the still street
The sleeping world awaits me
I run through the air
My lungs get caught in the musty
mother of the night
Fog drips onto my face like dew
No care in the world for the moment
Surprising.
I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
most days.
Not this one
Surely he hath bore our griefs and carried our sorrows.
Am I to love the inconvenient and the annoying?
Is that my purpose?
He was despised, he bore Sorrow
Sorrow pitted deep
in pain and bitterness
Get out. Get out damned spot.

I wrote this while listening to Handel's Messiah

Thursday, January 14, 2010

This is the New Year

"The gracious person loves without worrying about whether the person he loves is worthy of his love. Or perhaps it would be better to say that the gracious person sees what is valuable in the person he loves, and does not worry about whether it is more or less valuable than what could be found in someone else he might have loved."
-Robert Merrihew Adams

I have a hard time loving people. There are just so many unlovable people out there. It is appropriate then, for this convinction of grace to fall upon me this coming year. I can be so cynical, unforgiving, grudge-holding, and let's be honest, just plain hateful sometimes. What is it in us that creates a gentle spirit. A gracious spirit. How do I learn how to live well by reversing my way of thinking?

A large task ahead of me I'm sure.

Read Rilke if you would like to feel good about yourself.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

It's that time

Auditions.

I dread them before, I love them during, I hate them after.

I am terrified of being under-prepared, over-prepared beforehand.

I love my ability to be myself in front of people I don't know, to be open with them and make good impressions. I love the adrenaline and competitiveness that I get during an audition.

I hate knowing the results. I hate feeling guilty if I get a role, no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I deserved it, I hate seeing the disappoint in people's faces, I hate being treated differently by friends.

All of this passes in time. I am impatient, the process is different for everyone.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

In case you haven't heard...

This next week in Vancouver is The Wrecking Ball.
It is a rally of sorts to create awareness of all the government funding cuts to the arts.

This Monday night at the Vogue theatre. For FREE. 8pm the fun begins.

More info here:
http://thewreckingball.ca/performances/358/the-wrecking-ball-vancouver

If the arts are important to you, you should probably be there.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Jesus

Jesus
by Page France

I will sing a song to you

And you will shake the ground for me
And the birds and bees and old fruit trees
Will spit out songs like gushing streams
And Jesus will come through the ground so dirty
With worms in his hair and a hand so sturdy
To call us his magic we call him worthy
Jesus came up through the ground so dirty
I will sing a song for to you
And you will stomp your feet for me
And the bears and bees and banana trees
Will play kazoos and tambourines
And Jesus will dance while we drink his wine
With soldiers and thieves and a sword in his side
And we will be joy and we will be right
Jesus will dance while we drink his wine
Jesus will come through the ground so dirty
With worms in his hair and a hand so sturdy
To call us his magic we call him worthy
Jesus came up through the ground so dirty
Jesus came up through the ground so dirty
Jesus came up through the ground so dirty
Jesus came up through the ground so dirty

Please listen to this song. It has got me excited from a place deep within. I think it is my soul. The bolded lines are the lines that jumped out at me when I first heard this song. What beauty. "And we will be joy and we will be right"- I am having a hard time finding joy right now. It seems to be that my magic has left me. But this song has reminded me of an experience that still brings me a bit of joy. It has been tainted, that is certain, but not lost. Because for me, Jesus has already come through the ground so dirty with worms in his hair. He picked me up, spun me around and called me His magic.
In that moment, I was Grass Grass, I was his lover, child, and delight. A moment so pure with ecstacy, I felt exploding inside myself.
And that memory, you will never take away from me.

K

Sunday, June 28, 2009

I'm going to cry if I want to...

Well, at least I know one person who reads my blog and all the credit is due to her for the wonderful entertainment I recieved yesterday by going to see the Arts Club performance of Les Miserables. A friend of mine plays Cosette in the show and does a divine job of it. If you have not bought tickets, they extended the show for another two weeks and they are selling out fast! Buy them!

On days when I do not trust my own writing I rely on others. Rilke, to be more precise. My search for greatness this week culminates in this passage from 'Letters to a Young Poet',

"If you trust in Nature, in what is simple in Nature, in the small Things that hardly anyone sees and that can so suddenly become huge, immeasurable; if you have this love for what is humble and try very simply, as someone who serves, to win the confidence of what seems poor: then everything will become easier for you, more coherent and somehow reconciling, not in your conscious mind perhaps, which stays behing, astonished, but in your innermost awareness, awakeness, and knowledge...I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try and love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now."

There is nothing more prominent that I am learning right now than to live my questions. There is nothing else I can do. And the more I become in tune with my questions, hopefully I will grow to live in some sort of answers. Most of the things I catch myself caring about, I don't want to care about. Who cares how blonde my hair gets in the summer? Who cares how much money I have? How many books I read? What kind of car I drive? How much I do for others? How much they do for me? I am guilty of all these things and so so many more. In church we talked about Mark 9:33 where the disciples discuss greatness. I feel so pressured into greatness, coming from the family I have and going into the profession I am, both of which subliminally tell me that if I am not great, I am not much. Jesus taught that to achieve greatness is to be a servant to all. This morning in my mind I was whining to myself about how I had planned my birthday activities this weekend and how unfair it was that I was not treated like some sort of royalty, blah blah, blah...poor me. I was reminded by the excerpt above and the passage from Mark that those things in themselves do not mark my greatness It is when I am a servant like I was this weekend, except without realizing it like Rilke states, that I am indeed great. Maybe this is more confusing than it needs to be, but it makes sense to me.