It is officially the day of my birth. I am very excited. I took the day off work to do things that I want to do. Including a photoshoot with a studying photographer. Maybe I will post pictures...
Someone told me this year that they loved me like the sky and the cherry blossoms. This sounds all fine and good and seems really sweet until I started reflecting on the meaning of that comment the other day. The sky is constantly changing. Cherry blossoms are only around for a short period of time before they fall to the ground and die. Is this person telling me that they will love me sometimes and only for a short period of time? I'm sure, of course, that they did not mean it this way but tonight at church as I slipped in the back for the last part of the sermon, I heard about a God who loves me simply because. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more or less or even at all, He simply does.
And tonight He whispered in my ear and said that He will never love me like the cherry blossoms. He can't ever love me like humans do. Because at some point, our love is going to be conditional. At some point. And His is never going to be. Ever.
I will rest in that.
Song of the Day:
I'll Fly Away by Jars of Clay
PS. that rhymes if you say it out loud.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Books, Plays, Music
For some reason I have been having problems sleeping. I dread going to bed now because I know i'll end up lying there for hours with nothing to do and so my mind wanders to weird thoughts and strange memories. I don't like it very much. My new plan is to stay up as late as necessary so I will fall asleep naturally because I will be so tired.
I saw Proof tonight. It was decent enough. Having been produced by someone who was just last year graduating from Trinity, it was well done. It is strange seeing someone have a completely different take on a character you have played before. I see Catharine totally different than Becky does, although I wish I could have seen more from her tonight. She has the potential to do better work I think. Sound was horrible. Lighting was excellent (Lois is fantastic). I think both main characters could have worked harder for what they were fighting for. I wanted to see more. I hate leaving theatre like that. All in all an alright show. I would recommend it. It only runs the rest of the week.
I read this tonight.
I wept for a long time.
Song of the Day:
Andvari by Sigur Ros
I saw Proof tonight. It was decent enough. Having been produced by someone who was just last year graduating from Trinity, it was well done. It is strange seeing someone have a completely different take on a character you have played before. I see Catharine totally different than Becky does, although I wish I could have seen more from her tonight. She has the potential to do better work I think. Sound was horrible. Lighting was excellent (Lois is fantastic). I think both main characters could have worked harder for what they were fighting for. I wanted to see more. I hate leaving theatre like that. All in all an alright show. I would recommend it. It only runs the rest of the week.
I read this tonight.
I wept for a long time.
Song of the Day:
Andvari by Sigur Ros
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Broken Homes
I am discouraged. Very discouraged.
What the heck is the point of marriage?
On a completely unrelated note, there is a show next week from June 25-28 called Proof playing at Pacific Theatre. Two of my friends are in it. Should be good. You should go if you can. And don't worry, I am not going alone. Since my "walking alone in Vancouver at night" post I have had many offers of girls and boys that would love to keep me company they say.
They have no idea what they're volunteering for...
Song of the Day:
Jerk it Out by The Caesars
What the heck is the point of marriage?
On a completely unrelated note, there is a show next week from June 25-28 called Proof playing at Pacific Theatre. Two of my friends are in it. Should be good. You should go if you can. And don't worry, I am not going alone. Since my "walking alone in Vancouver at night" post I have had many offers of girls and boys that would love to keep me company they say.
They have no idea what they're volunteering for...
Song of the Day:
Jerk it Out by The Caesars
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Just to Clarify...
So just to clarify about my last post. Flip city wasn't the reason for my "bad day" yesterday. I got some concerned emails and no, i'm not that worried about the boys. They are big and can take care of themselves. Flip city was great. Not related to the previous comment. Yes? Good.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Ramblings mostly
There are some days in life that you wish with all your heart never happened.
But it did.
And life goes on.
In retrospect, not the biggest deal, but I still feel pretty bad.
I went to flip city tonight. For those of you who are unaware it is a place where mostly males go to see who can hurt themselves doing the craziest flip. Otherwise known as a gymnastics centre. I went last year a bit, was a bit rusty tonight. It never fails to surprise me how fearless guys are at this age. My one friend was trying to do a backflip starting with just standing on the ground and was he worried about his neck, no, no he was worried about STUBBING HIS TOE. Really? Really? Does no one worry about these things except me. I figured I worried enough tonight for every guy who came out so no one else has to. I got them all covered.
It always leaves me quite puzzled when I think about how complicated relationships get. And, as I mentioned before, not only are they harder to keep up, they end up getting more complicated too. And i'm not just talking girl/guy, i'm talking every relationship.
Why do we bother seeking after companionship when sometimes, lets face it, it just doesn't seem worth it anymore?
Thoughts?
And now a poem from my beloved friend Emily Dickinson
Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality
We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.
We passed the school where children played
At wrestling in a ring;
We passed the fields of gazing grain,
We passed the setting sun.
We paused before a house that seemed
A swelling of the ground;
The roof was scarcely visible,
The cornice but a mound.
Since then 'tis centuries; but each
Feels shorter than the day
I first surmised the horses' heads
Were toward eternity.
"fields of gazing grain"
She's brilliant eh.
"We are constant sinners; how can people like us be saved? We are all infected and impure with sin...And yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand." Isaiah 64: 5, 8
Thank goodness for "and yet".
Song of the Day:
Grow up and Blow Away by Metric
But it did.
And life goes on.
In retrospect, not the biggest deal, but I still feel pretty bad.
I went to flip city tonight. For those of you who are unaware it is a place where mostly males go to see who can hurt themselves doing the craziest flip. Otherwise known as a gymnastics centre. I went last year a bit, was a bit rusty tonight. It never fails to surprise me how fearless guys are at this age. My one friend was trying to do a backflip starting with just standing on the ground and was he worried about his neck, no, no he was worried about STUBBING HIS TOE. Really? Really? Does no one worry about these things except me. I figured I worried enough tonight for every guy who came out so no one else has to. I got them all covered.
It always leaves me quite puzzled when I think about how complicated relationships get. And, as I mentioned before, not only are they harder to keep up, they end up getting more complicated too. And i'm not just talking girl/guy, i'm talking every relationship.
Why do we bother seeking after companionship when sometimes, lets face it, it just doesn't seem worth it anymore?
Thoughts?
And now a poem from my beloved friend Emily Dickinson
Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality
We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.
We passed the school where children played
At wrestling in a ring;
We passed the fields of gazing grain,
We passed the setting sun.
We paused before a house that seemed
A swelling of the ground;
The roof was scarcely visible,
The cornice but a mound.
Since then 'tis centuries; but each
Feels shorter than the day
I first surmised the horses' heads
Were toward eternity.
"fields of gazing grain"
She's brilliant eh.
"We are constant sinners; how can people like us be saved? We are all infected and impure with sin...And yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand." Isaiah 64: 5, 8
Thank goodness for "and yet".
Song of the Day:
Grow up and Blow Away by Metric
Monday, June 16, 2008
Validation
I seem to constantly be meeting with people. Which isn't a problem, believe me, I just find it interesting. I feel like I am constantly arranging and rearranging my schedule to fit coffee here, dinner there, and maybe a short walk the day after. It seems that the older we get, the more intentional we have to be at seeking out company.
Anyways about what I was really going to talk about. I went for breakfast with a fantastic lady on Friday. I always call her my step in grandma because none of my grandparents live anywhere near me. We meet about once a month and talk. About her life mostly. Some of mine. She listens and gives me advice. She makes sure I have things like a financial plan and that I am always well taken care of. In our last meeting I told her about my will and felt calling to be single at this point in my life and she was surprisingly supportive and encouraging. I found out that she did not get married until she was 28 because she felt when she was my age and a little older that God had a higher purpose for her at thiat point in her life. I was relieved. I'm not alone. There's other people who feel the same way. She went on to talk about independance and other struggles she faced during that time.
I always end up leaving in tears because of the love that woman has for me. She prays for me. Supports me financially and emotionally. I can sit across from her, hold her older, much wiser hand in my younger naive hand and be vulnerable. She does not ask for anything in return. Obviously our relationship is a two way street but in any relationship there are expectations that the other person will love you back. She has none of that. I know she will love me if I never call her back again or if I call her every week for the rest of my life.
My heart is happy that I am cared for.
Song of the Day:
Summer in the City by Regina Spektor
Anyways about what I was really going to talk about. I went for breakfast with a fantastic lady on Friday. I always call her my step in grandma because none of my grandparents live anywhere near me. We meet about once a month and talk. About her life mostly. Some of mine. She listens and gives me advice. She makes sure I have things like a financial plan and that I am always well taken care of. In our last meeting I told her about my will and felt calling to be single at this point in my life and she was surprisingly supportive and encouraging. I found out that she did not get married until she was 28 because she felt when she was my age and a little older that God had a higher purpose for her at thiat point in her life. I was relieved. I'm not alone. There's other people who feel the same way. She went on to talk about independance and other struggles she faced during that time.
I always end up leaving in tears because of the love that woman has for me. She prays for me. Supports me financially and emotionally. I can sit across from her, hold her older, much wiser hand in my younger naive hand and be vulnerable. She does not ask for anything in return. Obviously our relationship is a two way street but in any relationship there are expectations that the other person will love you back. She has none of that. I know she will love me if I never call her back again or if I call her every week for the rest of my life.
My heart is happy that I am cared for.
Song of the Day:
Summer in the City by Regina Spektor
Friday, June 13, 2008
More blogs...
I decided to make it easy for those of you who don't like hunting for great blogs. I took the liberty to put links to them on my page. You will find them on the right hand column. All of them are artists in one way or another so together they are Artists Who Write. Check them out if you have some time. They are all brilliant people in my opinion.
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